Why It’s So Important to Know What’s Important

How to Understand Our Self-Control & Our Choices

We all choose to do what’s important to us.  But how do we determine what those important things are?  Many things line up hoping for first place priority. How do we rank those things?  More importantly, how do we make sure we follow through and get those things done? It turns out that what we plan to achieve differs from what happens.  We can compare our “plan to do” with creating financial assumptions and comparing them to the actual budget. If we plan well, the actuals will fall in line with the assumptions.  Unfortunately, there’s a gap between our intentions (plan to do/assumptions) and what happens (actuals).

What Does Science Tell Us?  Why Is There Such a Difference?

Science proves that we make different choices in the moment vs. when we plan.  Studies indicate this to be true in many aspects of our lives. We plan to eat better, we plan to exercise, and we plan to save money.  But…. 

But….  We Prefer to Eat Chocolate & Buy Shiny New Objects

If given a choice, we would prefer to eat chocolate instead of an apple.  We prefer to do something other than exercise and why not spend the money on that new shiny object, leather purse or shoes?  To get a better understanding of our choices, I decided to dig deeper into the why of it all.  

One of the best ways for me to share my research on certain topics is through my TED Ed Classes.  I often create short TED Ed Content for my clients.  The platform allows me to link expert’s videos to my mini courses. Each expert explains the ins and outs of certain subject matter and often summarizes their research.  My mini courses provide my audience & clients with a Q/A platform for learning.  

Recently I created such a lesson from a TED Ex Talk given by Silvia Helena Barcellos, Associate Economist at RAND in Santa Monica. She helps us understand our choices.  More importantly, she helps us understand why the choices that we plan differ from the choices we make in the moment. 

Silvia’s Ted Talk

Silvia begins her Ted Talk opening with a study example.  I’ll ask you the same questions, but first let me set up the scenario.  Let’s pretend we are in a big conference room and I’ve been asked to discuss this very topic.  I open by playing an excerpt from Silvia’s talk and then ask you these 2 questions:

1.  “If I were to offer you a snack 1 week from now what would you choose, a chocolate bar or an apple?”

2. “If I were to tell you that you must choose your snack today, right now, what would you choose, a chocolate bar or an apple?

What did you choose?  Did you make a different choice in the moment vs. what you planned for 1 week from now?  That’s the exact line of questioning that Siliva tossed out to her audience. She also conducted a controlled experiment to prove her results: 

                               Picture from YouTube Video:  TED Ex Talk, Silvia Barcellos

1.  50% of people plan to eat an apple when given the choice 1 week ahead of time.
2. 70% of people chose the chocolate when given the immediate choice.

These statistics aren’t limited to snack choices alone.  They also studied our behaviors surrounding saving money.  Frankly, saving money requires us to spend less. We make a choice to prioritize savings.  We make savings more important than spending. Silvia and I agree, we both would need to sacrifice a cute new outfit to realize the benefits of more $$$ in the bank.  

Picture:  The Digital Artist, Pete Linforth, Pixaby

We all have our vices, fair enough, but, what’s the deal with our lack of self-control?

Why Do We Want to Do Something, But Not Do It?

In general, we tend to lean heavily towards instant gratification.  We often operate in a” want it now society” and don’t put enough emphasis into the long- term benefits of choosing differently.  How do we build self-control? Well, the first thing we need to do is realize that self-control is a problem. It’s a problem we want to change because we prefer different outcomes.  

How Do We Gain More Self Control?  Start with Education.

We have a fixed amount of energy to resist temptation.  Let’s say that I love chocolate. By the way, I do. If I purchase Godiva dark chocolate truffles, I must consider the temptation of that decadence residing in my pantry. Do I have enough self-control to eat 1 truffle/day? Can I limit my intake to 2 truffles/day? Over time, the more tempting the situation, the more difficult it is to resist.  This brings me to tactic #1, avoidance.

Tactic #1:  Avoidance

Avoid the situation that causes you temptation.  Don’t wait to prepare lunch or dinner when you are starving.  Instead prepare or purchase those meals ahead of time. Eat before you are famished, and you are less likely to overeat.  We also need to consider the practicality of avoidance techniques. If you live and work from home, you are in more control of the inventory in your refrigerator or pantry.  If you are a shopaholic and want to curb your purchases, you’ll need to consider freezing online shopping. How would you discipline yourself to do that? Avoidance is a tactic, but is it a long term, practical approach?  If avoidance doesn’t prove successful, what else can we do?  

Tactic #2:  Commit to a Commitment Contract

Research supports that we need skin in the game.  If we commit to something, we are more likely to follow through, especially if consequences are associated with a lack of follow through.  That’s why Commitment Contracts are so effective.  One successful program used contracts to help smokers kick the habit.  The smokers entered into a contract and deposited money into an account for 6 months.  After the 6 months was up the people in the study took a test to prove they were nicotine free.  If the test was negative for nicotine, they had all their money returned to them. If they tested positive to nicotine, they did not get the money back.  In this case, positive behavior was tied to a return of their financial investment. Negative behavior was punitive.

Commitment Contracts Aren’t Effective Without….

It turns out that people need to believe and embrace that the change or terms and condition of the contract is something that’s IMPORTANT to them.  Which brings us to importance and competing priorities.  That’s next week’s topic, but for now, research shows that people must be educated.  They must be informed about 2 things:

1. The unhealthy side effects of their behavior.  They often know this, but it needs to be reiterated and more importantly accepted.
2. The issues surrounding a lack of self-control.

In short, we all need to understand that self-control is key to success.

So, what’s the first step is a class in Self-Control, 101 Class?   The goal is to help people increase self-awareness related to their self-control tendencies. The second step?  People must accept they have self-control issues. To prove the effectiveness of education Silvia shared this excerpt from her study.  I’ve summarized it below:

Tactic #3:  Educate, Ask Ourselves Tough Questions & Commit

1. Why do we lack self-control?
2. How is a lack of self-control harmful to us?
3. Increase awareness and overcome individual self-control issues.
4. Commitment contracts are common and effective.

Does Educating Yourself About Self-Control Matter?

Science has studied the impact of informing others about self-control challenges.  A randomized trial, (rigorous scientific experiment) used 2 groups to test this theory:

1. One group informed/educated about self-control.
2. Second group was not informed about self-control.

Next, they ran a randomized trial and this time the goal was to save money.   Simply put the experiment was designed as follows:

Randomized trial:

1. Education about Self-Control (Group 1 but not Group 2)
2. Commitment Contracts – Both Groups
3. Goal – save money
4. Outcome:
   1. Group informed about self-control issues more likely to save 
   2. Group that was not informed about self- control issues was less likely to save

We began our discussion with 2 questions. Would you choose an apple or chocolate, and would that choice be different if you made that choice today vs. 1 week from now?  

We all know that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, so why do most of us still choose chocolate?  I’ll tell you why. Because it tastes great and there’s also the sugar and endorphin components that contribute to our choice.  Regardless, we are not a victim to our cravings. We can take charge and make better choices; stick to our plans and experience the outcomes we desire.

The Importance of it all is so important that I’ll continue to talk about that next week, but until then grab your apple and remember these steps:

Recap:

1. Avoidance – Create ways to resist temptations 
2. Embrace self-control challenges for what they are.
3. Understand the implications when we lack self- control. 
4. Become fearless about your goals.  You are worth the investment.
5. Use Proven Tools & Mechanisms of Success – Avoidance Techniques and Commitment Contracts

If you are interested in a commitment contract, check out my online fillable form. It’s quick and easy.  Remember these types of contracts help us reach our goals. You can also visit my website and contact me.  Just let me know you are curious about commitment contracts.  We can set up a quick discovery call.  Twenty minutes could be the first step to your positive change.

About the Author: Kimberly Sheldahl is a former executive, turned Kolbe Certified ™ Consultant who is also an Integrative Health Coach. She is passionate about the integration of productivity and well-being.  She is the host of BOOM Baby BOOM, a T.V. show/podcast which will begin airing on Transformation TV in May and is the #1 Best Selling Author of Hack Into OZ, Get the Most Out of Life, available on Amazon, and her course, IMPACT will also be released in later May.  The modules include science backed data on building happiness, self-belief (efficacy), self-control (regulation), building habits, and staying motivated.